“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”
Tony Blair
Ahhhh, the art of saying NO …one of the issues that plagues some of mankind and almost all of womankind. Just for the record, I have never had any trouble saying no! In fact I am so good at saying no that it is in the marrow of my very bones!
I love to dream and plan and make goals. I love to write everything down and visualize, but just as I am moving toward those goals. I will inevitably hear, “Can you…?” The request is usually prefaced with a “Mom” or a “Punkin” or a “Miss Catie” or some other endearing title which has an even greater impact on my psyche. It is then that I say no. Unfortunately, my old habit is to say no to myself and yes to the request.
There are a lot of people who think they can’t say no. They moan and complain about it but the truth is they are saying no… to themselves, to their dreams and goals every day. At some level they believe that their own ambitions are less important than the desires of others. We have internalized our parents’ negative voice; the one they believed would keep us safe. We have taken up the mantle of keeping ourselves secure by constantly telling our dreams, “no, no!” Our hands are sufficiently slapped away, our authentic self hides, and our life shrinks to a place of safety where we are unable to truly serve ourselves or others.
I can hear all the arguments because I’ve made them myself! Aren’t we supposed to serve others? Shouldn’t we support the less fortunate (everybody is less fortunate, evidently), and isn’t it important to help mankind? ABSOLUTELY! But, whatever you desire desires you and from that place we can serve in a bigger, better and more profound way! For instance, if you have a real desire to work with the choir at church because you love and are moved by music, but are constantly asked to take the nursery or a young adult class, you are not really serving at your best capacity. From the place of our dreams we get the strength to perform mighty works. If we don’t step out of our own comfort zone of “no, no” someone else won’t get the chance to fulfill their dreams of working in the nursery. By saying no to others and yes to ourselves we open the doors for others to fulfill the dreams that they may not even be aware of! I think it’s ironic that we expect God to always have a yes attitude towards us and are downright angry when we don’t perceive it that way but are usually blocking God’s yes with our no. God gets blamed and we continue in our negative pattern hoping to please God, be good and maybe then we’ll get what we wish for! Guess what?! If God says yes and you say no, YOU WIN! We are free agents on this planet and your no is more powerful in your own life than God’s yes. WOW!
You may not believe this but not all people are here to support you! Some people are inhabiting this planet for the sole purpose of giving your “no” muscle a workout! They will stretch you and provide all the resistance you need to really work that muscle. Be aware of why they are here be grateful for them!
I know people who have no problem cursing but cannot utter that single syllable that would set them free…except in their own ear. I realized at one point that saying yes has absolutely no and power without the ability to say no and vice versa. Only when we are able to confidently be authentic do our words have any power, and without authenticity we really have no voice at all!
So, I give us all permission today to say, “YES! YES! YES!” to our authentic selves and see where it leads! I’d love to know how it goes so Facebook me at empowerment international and tell me what happens!
“Half the troubles in this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough!”
Josh Billings
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SON, JONATHAN!
His favorite cake recipe:
Heavenly Hawaiian Coconut Cake
1 can (8 oz) crushed pineapple in juice
½ Cup butter, melted
½ Cup brown sugar
9 maraschino cherries
Coconut
1 package 2 layer size yellow cake mix (with pudding)
Drain pineapple, measuring juice. Add water to the juice to make 1 cup. Combine butter, brown sugar, pineapple, and 1 cup of coconut. Spread well in a well greased 13x9 pan. Cut cherry almost in two to make 4 petals on bottom of pan.
Prepare cake mix substituting measured liquid for pineapple juice and stir a sprinkling of coconut into the batter.
Pour carefully over coconut-pineapple mixture.
Bake at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes.
Cool 5 minutes. Invert and lift pan.
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