If I Only Had a Crystal Ball

                                  “Study the past if you would divine the future.”

                                                                                                  Confucius

Once upon a time, at the peak of a high craggy mountain, there was a magical Crystal Ball whose creator had made sure was passed through the generations from the beginning until the end of time.

Seekers from all lands would journey up the mountain to question the orb, knowing that the answers would always reflect the truth.  For this reason the wealthiest and the poorest would struggle up the mountain, sacrifice everything and pay any price.

“Oh, beautiful Orb, will I be rich?”

“Lovely Crystal Ball, will I find true and lasting love?”

“Oh, great Sphere, will I find fulfillment in a faraway land?”

And always the answers were true.

The Crystal Ball, sitting on its ornate silver base, grew very smug through the centuries and millennia, revealing truth to those who sought its magic. The keepers of the orb grew wealthier and wealthier with each of its predictions.  They watched the deep mists gather, swirling inside the gleaming crystal, mesmerizing the questioners, before suddenly and mysteriously showing clearly the answer they sought.

While the Crystal Ball grew prouder and prouder and more and more self-satisfied and the seekers grew more and more astounded and amazed, the keepers of the orb smiled knowingly, for they alone were privy to the maker’s secret; the Crystal Ball was actually no more and no less than a perfect mirror.

"Wherever you go, there you are."
                              attributed to Confucius                                                                                  

Living Large

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most.  We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so the world won’t feel insecure around you.  We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us.  And when we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Maryanne Williams

I absolutely believe what Maryanne Williams wrote!  I loved that Nelson Mandela used the quote in his inaugural speech and I want this quote to show up in my daily life…however, like the Titanic and the iceberg, I have a collision of epic proportions in my head and heart.  The quote from my parents, that floats in my frigid sea of doubts is, “Who do you think you are?”

My parent’s quote was not intended to be mean but instructive.  The Midwest is not about arrogance and sometimes confidence just has to go down with the ship!  It’s better to live small and get on with your life than to think you’re better than you are.  Giving up your confidence is a small price to pay to make people like you!

I was thinking about confidence vs. arrogance and wondering how they differ.  Here’s what I’ve decided:

1)      Confidence comes from the heart while Arrogance comes from the head.  Truly confident people don’t have to think about it or judge it; they don’t have to slip into a role because they are authentically themselves. Arrogance is busy thinking of the next move.

2)      Confidence is not exclusionary.  Confident people don’t judge others or try to take away from their success.  Confidence is actually very inviting and encouraging.  Arrogance needs to be on center stage at all times…well, actually it needs the whole stage.

3)      Confidence exudes from a place of adequacy.  Confident people know they are enough and that they have enough.  Arrogance comes from fear while confidence comes from love.

In my book, The Stardust Child, I wrote, “My friends didn’t like it when I began to change; they thought I should stick with more sensible things.” And later, “The wings are a mystery to those of the earth.  Don’t let them be stolen, know your own worth!”  People who feel inadequate will want you to stay small and as insignificant as they feel.  So, why should we develop our confidence muscle?  Simple!  Because we can help more people, make a greater impact and glorify our Maker. 

So, who do you think you are?

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right."                                                                                            — Henry Ford

Because...

The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse.  ~Author Unknown
I think it is fascinating that the work I do with four year olds and the work I do with adults is virtually the same!  Being stuck, whether you’re four or eighty-four, boils down to excuses.  I happen to love excuses and I happen to love watching the people who make them.  It’s entertaining and many resonate with me!

1)      I caaaaaaaan’t!  This one is more effective if there’s a bit of a whine associated with it.  Realistically, there are very few things that can’t be done.  Most of the “I can’ts” in our lives are actually, “I won’ts!”  I challenge you to substitute, “I won’t” or “I choose not to” for a week just to empower yourself. Take can’t out of your vocabulary.

2)      It’s THEIR fault, not mine!  THEY make us late, make us angry, make us sad, and make us want to hit them, ruin our days and make puppets of us!  Here’s a little secret…we ALWAYS get to choose our responses no matter what THEY do to us!  Until we are in charge of our responses we are slaves to others.

3)      I’m too ______ (tired, old, young, little, big, thin, fat, tall, short, good, bad, clever, stupid, etc.).  As a high school dropout with two babies at eighteen years old, I had given up on an education.  I had received my G.E.D. and that was good enough.  I had a neighbor who was twenty-three at the time, much older than my nineteen.  She started nursing school and I was bewildered.  “Why are you starting nursing school at twenty-three?” I asked.  Her answer changed my life, “I’ll be twenty-five in two years, whether I’m a nurse or not!”  So this high school dropout now has a master’s degree.

4)      I’ll do it tomorrow!  Don’t over think it!  Like Nike says, “Just do it!”  Before you have time to talk yourself out of it, before you have time to really think about it, just roll out of bed and put those workout clothes on or write those few lines or make the calls.  Don’t worry; tomorrow there’ll still be plenty to do!

Excuses are passed down like trophies and jewels in families.  They bond the generations, “We don’t have money or health or success but we have each other.”  In some families this can actually be an underlying threat of being ostracized if there’s too much success.  So we take the excuses like great gifts, put our own little spins on them and get them ready to pass to our children.  We build our lives around them, choose our jobs and friends based on them, and the cycle continues. 

I challenge you to go one week as a free person… no excuses. Let me know how it goes!

The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.  ~Jules Renard

Hoarding

Do you want to live a healthier more productive life?  Do you want your dreams to come true?

I’ve been waiting and worrying.  I’ve known for some time that I was at risk for being turned in to the television show, “Hoarders.”  I’m just kidding but I am admitting that my garage has vague hoarding issues with which I am uncomfortable.  I don’t know why the garage has the tendency to hoard because I am a well put together individual and should have a garage that complies with that standard.  After thinking long and hard, I’ve come to the following conclusions about my garage:

First) my garage doesn’t have enough time.  Just holding on to all that stuff takes time and effort.  Every THING demands upkeep and some attention.  It’s a catch 22.  The more hoarding, the less time there is for cleaning out.

Second) my garage is taking care of others at its own expense.  Being a giver and allowing all the children, grandchildren and deceased relatives to take up space is a lovely thought but it crowds out any opportunities for realistic growth.  How can anything new and wonderful enter your life if there’s no room for it?

Third) my garage believes in “someday.”  If “someday” the family needs an item (say, twenty years from now) and the garage provides it, think how significant that garage will feel.  I’m not sure why the family might need Vogue magazines from 1972 but, you never know!

Fourth) my garage may have gone through scarcity or had boards attached that actually went through the Great Depression.  Keeping things safe and secure is an important job even though holding on to “stuff” probably isn’t going to feed you if people are jumping from the top floors on Wall Street.  As a matter of fact, it will be harder to load up the wagons and head to California if you have too many things to pack!

Fifth) and most importantly, my garage may have trust issues.  Whether it believes in God, a Higher Power or even just itself, there has to be faith that there is more in this abundant universe and that it will be provided.  Hoarding is a little bit like taking a deep breath and then refusing to let it out because there may not be oxygen enough for the next intake.  Whether it’s holding on to things or grudges, it’s okay to let them go.  Everything needed will be provided!

You’ll be happy to know that I’ve talked my garage out of the first truckload of items that are going to Goodwill, where they will benefit the lives of other garages everywhere!

 “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” – Unknown